Made my way to Jlem

In Jerusalem, finally. I've been here about 36hrs and still very jet lagged. I woke up at 4a today wide awake (7p back at home) and decided to just get up for a few hours, since sleeping clearly wasn't working for me. Jerusalem is quiet and peaceful in the wee morning hours. The hustle and bustle of the day has not yet begun; the palpable tension hasn't yet saturated the tongue; the humidity hasn't drenched the skin. Perhaps when I know this part of the city better and know my way around, when I wake at this time of day, I'll wander over to the Kotel. 5a at the Kotel--few things are more centering in life for me.
When school officially begins, I am sure I will feel differently, but at this moment, I don't believe I am actually here, I have yet to internalize that this is truly happening. Maybe for my classmates who have had this dream their whole lives, being here is different. For me, it's completely foreign. And I don't just mean the language/culture/Israel, I mean the whole concept of being a student, and a rabbinical one at that.
I keep wondering when I have to go back to the lab, what next set of compounds I need to analyze. That part of my life is over. In a few weeks, I'll be inundated with which text I have to read to get homework done and what to plan for shabbat dinner and what to say about that week's parsha.
At this moment though, before classes start and after work has ended, I am in a state of holding, like jello. I am taking this time to take stock: of the house, of the fridge, of myself. Right now, the house is in desperate need of cleaning, the fridge needs stocking (it has a jar of salsa and that's it), and I am covered in random bruises. Things here are raw and at their base state. There is no carpet to cover up the grimy linoleum; there is no stainless steel to hide the dingy white fridge, and there is no make-up to cover me up. Everything and everyone is raw.
In general, I am happy to be here, I am excited to finally start this journey which has been a long time coming; I am ready to begin.

31 days and counting

Just over a month and I'll be in Jerusalem...June 28. How is that possible? How is time passing so quickly?
I have the practical stuff nearly done. I don't have a student visa yet, not sure why. And I still need to finish getting the cat taken care of. And next weekend I'll begin the packing process. I have appointments/meals with people I just have to see before I leave. And yet, the time is completely flying by. I feel like I have a million things still to do, but can't enumerate them. The general feeling of being overwhelmed is starting to hit.
I was complaining at work that, well, that I was at work. I made a joke to a girlfriend saying that in six months I'd probably be begging to come to work. She replied telling me that I was going to love every minute of being a student. I tend to believe her. At this point however, it is surreal.
What is it going to be like to studying Jewish texts or Hebrew all day? What will it be like to have a morning minyan, actually with a minyan? For those prayers that I don't know, how quickly will I learn them? Will I be able to lead them competently in a short time frame? But these are just the student nerves which come out. The majority of them are superficial and are essentially place-holders for all the questions without answers.

What will it be like not getting hugs from my 4yr old nephew? Will I be able to find time to schedule to talk to my friends in Colorado; time that isn't the middle of the night for either of us? How will it be not being with my fiance for a few months? Will I make new friends quickly?

I know that I am not unique in asking these questions. I also know that there are lots of other people that I am about to meet in the flesh (as opposed to facebook) who are dealing with similar circumstances. The journey in front of us is exciting and unknown. With unknown comes uncertainty and fear and adrenaline and hyper-activity and a whole host of other heightened emotions. It is glorious and I couldn't be more honored and ready to being this trip. I am sure the next four weeks will just fly by and before anyone realizes it, I'll be calling Jerusalem home. Amazing.

It's Official...

I am officially a rabbinical student with HUC. I have been accepted, I have passed my Hebrew test, I am on my way.
So what have I done? I have learned that I am a touch ignorant when it comes to pets. I knew I couldn't use a site like expedia or vayama to buy my ticket because I want to bring my furry friend (Ryno) with me. Fine. It had to be on an airline that took me from Denver to Tel Aviv, with few stops, and the same airline every time. Fine. I had to have loads of paperwork and shots and certificates for him. Fine. Well, it turns out that on Continental met all the requirements; well, I forgot to mention that I am not made of money, so Swiss Air and El Al I cannot afford. I get on the phone with the ticket agent so I can get bulk head seating and make sure there is room for my little buddy (ok, so he's not so little tipping the scales at 16.3pounds). She says I can't fly him inside the plane with passengers to Tel Aviv. I ask why. She says "I think it has to do with that religion or something". I leave it alone, though wanting to say something like, I'm part of that religion and cats are fine and are you really this ignorant? But I don't, I just ask what I can do. She sends me to the cargo people. I talk to this really nice gentleman for about 30min. Ryno is now all set up to go underneath the passengers and sit separated from the luggage in the cargo bay. That's when the news is hurdled at me: $650 for this privilege. My jaw audibly drops. I, silly me, thought this would be free, or minimal cost; I mean I was already paying $1600 for my ticket and he's just a little cat. Can I really put a price on love? After hemming and hawing, I go with my gut and will be taking him, even though his ticket will be way too close to mine.

Roommates have been found too for this amazing apartment. I was willing to sign a lease, sight-unseen. I did eventually get photos before signing the lease, and they far surpassed my expectations. However, sending money to a foreign bank account has proved to be challenging. So much tape to get through. But what has made it even more cumbersome, the time difference and the different days to celebrate G-d. From Friday morning in Colorado until Monday night in Israel, essentially no business can be done. Israel is closed on Friday and Saturday, America is closed on Sunday. Monday morning I can do banking again, which with the 9hr time difference means it is Monday evening in Israel. I am so nervous that the landlord will just say screw it and take the money from someone already in Israel. I am doing everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen.

What I am really looking forward to though, is school. I can't wait to be in school again. I want to know all about my classes, and my professors, and my classmates. I want to know what I will be learning. I know the majority of my studies will be focused on learning Hebrew, making it my language. Leading services, davening daily with other students, shul hopping in Jerusalem. The potential excitement never ends.

I just received the academic calendar and am planning things for the various breaks I have. More than a week off for Sukkot. Do I hear the north calling or is that the south? Do I go to Egypt and Jordan or maybe Cyprus and Greece? Or do I stay in Israel and find all those nooks and crannies which make the country extra special? So many things to think about.

For now though, I am suffering from a serious case of senioritis at work. I have a little more than 4wks to go; they have been informed that I am leaving. I am finding that I just don't care about the work I am doing. That these deadlines they are setting (which have always been ridiculous) are not worth stressing over. I am ready for the next step; I'm in mid-step as is. I will have to wait 8 weeks more to complete that step.

While I say I am ready, I mean kind of. I am ready to not work. I am checking out of my career. I am far from ready to leave my community, family, friends. And this is where I would prefer to spend my time--with people. I am starting to calendar time in June (when I don't work) with people. Individual conversations that I can't wait for. There are so many songs on the radio these days about saying what needs to be said. I fully agree. Even if it makes me seem sappy or emotional or even a little melancholy/sad. Say what you need to say, because then it is much harder to have regrets.

Rabbinical school here I come. New apartment, new roommates, new everything. Yippie!!!!

It's the little things....

We've all read the books "Don't sweat the small stuff", and for the most part I agree. At the same time, appreciating the little things in life really adds quality. Recently there are a few things I have come to appreciate in a whole new way.

The spatula. Detailed shape unimportant; handle, broad flat surface, able to withstand heat. Simple. Necessary. Have you ever tried to make over easy eggs with a fork? Very quickly over easy becomes broken over well if you're lucky or scrambled if you're not. Tried taking undercooked brownies from a pan? With a tupperware lid, only after you've cut off the sides, when you don't have a spatula. Examples abound, trust me.

Immediate showers. During the cooler months in Israel, where there really is no such thing as a water heater, you have to flip a switch, wait 20-30 minutes for the water to heat up, then be prepared to take a quick shower. During the summer, it's immediate, but it's always hot. I mean the name "Dude Shemesh" is kinda cool, and seeing them dot rooftops is interesting at first--but then you have to actually use them.

Stable shower heads. Imagine, you have abut 8min of warm water, and you're trying to shave. But it's a removable shower head, that is permanently removed. Trying to juggle an arm, the shower head, the razor, comical at best, drenched bathroom at worst. The first couple times I did this, I sprayed the water all over the bathroom. All you can do is laugh.

Cheap American candy. There are times when I just want peanut M&Ms or a twix or Snickers. Right now, the current rate is around $2 for any of these. Without a sale, they are $0.75, and usually $0.40 with the abundant sales. Don't even think about getting king size.

Polite drivers. I don't mean to each other, but rather to pedestrians. Granted, everything is relative, and most drivers stay off the sidewalks here, so I guess that's something to be grateful about. Trying to cross the street (in a cross walk of course, I'm not suicidal), takes assertiveness and sometimes aggression. Be prepared, you will get honked at. For the novice, I don't recommend using headphones as you will need all your senses alert. For the pro, absolutely get headphones as it's the only way to block out the horns.

Can of air. The dust in Jerusalem is astounding. All my electronics need a good dusting. After this most recent sand storm, where advisory warnings were broadcast for those with health problems, the dirt literally poured out of my phone--it was never even in the open air.

Carpet. I have yet to walk into a building (other than a hotel) that has carpet. I had no idea I liked carpet so much. Or rather disliked linoleum so much. And for a country where water is scarce, I still can't wrap my brain around the idea that all the floors are washed with an abundance of water.

Dry wall. One might ask, how did you discover your affinity for a particular type of wall? Well, when you go to hammer in a nail into stone, lo and behold, the nail bends and only leaves a dimple in the layers of paint. Forget about pushpins. Everything must be bored into the wall with somewhat large screws and careful placement. Sigh.

It's the little things. Things that are easily overlooked, easily overcome. So small that they are almost negligible. Almost. A few days, no big deal to just get over it. A few years, no big deal to change it. A few weeks? A few months? Too short to change it,,too long to get over it. Just long enough to notice it and feel very grateful and appreciative for the little things.

ום הזיכרון לשואה ולגבורה : Holocaust/heroism rememberance

Jewish holidays in Israel feel different than they do in Colorado. Last night started what is colloquially known as Yom HaShoah. Ceremonies in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem abounded. There is actually palpable remembrance, the air is somber.
This morning, at 10a, the Jerusalem siren went off for two minutes, signaling silence. I was standing outside on the mirpesset (balcony), feeling the wind on my face, hearing the sounds of the city and of nature when the siren first started. The jackhammer from the construction workers to my left first had to pause to hear the sirens, then paused in honor of it. To my right, there was no such pause, and work continued. Nature didn't stop either: the birds kept chirping, the cats kept fighting, the bees kept buzzing, the wind kept blowing. And then nothing. Everything, as though on cue, stopped.
It was in this true silence that the deafening voices of those killed could be heard. Quiet balagan.

Today is also the day to remember heroism. To celebrate those who looked impossible situations in the eye and said "I can and will do my part." Perhaps not knowing that their actions were extraordinary, or maybe they knew; they did them anyway.
Maybe we don't know what action will take when we're called, maybe we don't know it's impact. But today, this day of remembrance,  can teach us that knowing or not knowing, we need to act.

To all those who've been murdered and all who've been heroes--thank you, you are remembered.

Almost there (here?)

Jerusalem...again. Apparently while I am in Israel, I have a desire to blog far more so than when I am in the States. Perhaps the latter will change with this one, as this is going to be a lengthy endeavor.

Here I am. More "אני פה" than "הנני", for now. I've come so far it seems, and yet I haven't even made it to the start line. I've made it through the 'I can't believe I want to be a rabbi' decision process, the application process, through the interview process, through the acceptance process, and there is one of the hiccups. I have been accepted (wohoo), conditionally (boo). Turns out, my Hebrew ability, not so great; not quite good enough to have passed the test the first time around, although very close. Such a small thing as language was not going to keep me from this dream. I find myself in Israel right now, finishing up a 2-wk course with Ulpan Or just before I am scheduled to re-take the exam. I am feeling good, a little nervous, but more-or-less confident in my ability. I am perfectly ok if the results come back and say that I should do pre-ulpan. In fact, I would almost prefer that, because being in Israel for longer can only be a good thing. When I get a little down at my Hebrew skills, I remind myself of my personal timeline regarding the language. Honestly, I am proud of how far I've come.

Recently, HUC has set up a facebook page for upcoming Year-In-Israel students, and on it soon-to-be students are writing introductions about themselves. I am appreciative of the intros prior to meeting in person in a couple months. I find that a connection can evolve and the people in this new community feel less like strangers. As I read these introductions, I am a little intimidated by some of the comments. People who are Jewish-study majors, who have been going to and teaching at camp for over 10yrs. People who have been going after this dream since adolescents and have laid all the groundwork for it.
Then there is me. I am a scientist. My first career is as an analytical chemist; a career I have been active in for several years. All the learning I have done with Judaism has been outside of a university setting. I owe a huge shout out to the library (and amazaon.com !), to my Hebrew tutor Eti, and especially to the clergy at Har HaShem, my synagogue. Without them, this transition would not have been possible.

And what a transition! As the transition is still in its infancy, I am bogged down with practicalities. Most of which my upcoming classmates can no doubt relate. Get medical paperwork, for me and the cat. Get visa (just for me, he doesn't need one). Make packing list, cut in half, check, double-check, triple check, cut in half again. Look for apartment in Jerusalem--very different than in America, because in Jlem, neighborhood really matters. Come to realization that I must get a roommate (first time for everything I suppose). Keep up with summer HUC reading. Get overseas or internet bank account. And the list goes on and on and on. First priority--pass Hebrew re-take exam.  It is such practicalities which prevent me from being fully here.

The less tangible, non-object oriented tasks, are much harder. Saying goodbye to family, friends, community, home. That will not be easy (nor should it be). Until my first priority (see above) is accomplished, I will not be starting on this part of the transition.

I sit here, in a room in Rechavia, feeling like I am in a dream. Perhaps I am. For next week I will be back in Colorado, back in the lab, back with my friends and this will be a memory. Rather, this moment is a glimpse into the future. For here I will sit in seven weeks, and it will not be a dream and I will really say "הנני".